


Dread Wolf's Shadow

by FenHarelsPride (Andauril)



Series: Siryn Lavellan - Non Canon / AU [5]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M, Fen'Harel's statue, some sad bittersweet shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-24
Updated: 2015-08-24
Packaged: 2018-04-17 00:56:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4646361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Andauril/pseuds/FenHarelsPride
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lavellan seeks out the only place where she can still feel Solas' presence: The Dread Wolf's statue ...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dread Wolf's Shadow

If someone had told her two years ago that she find herself without fear or wariness in the shadow of the Great Wolf, words of missing and longing on her lips, she would have laughed into their face, called them insane and walked her way.

But here she was, sitting between the paws of the statue, looking up to his stone snout, to the sharp silhouettes of its ears. Doing the exact same thing she never would have thought of doing before …

Well … Considering all the things she’d learned and experienced in these past years, she should not have been surprised.

She had met real, living breathing elves of old, she had talked with what remained of Mythal face to face, she had allowed a spell to cast upon her that nobody thought existed … Being bonded to the Dread Wolf himself didn’t seem so world shattering in comparison.

Siryn extended a hand, with nimble fingers she brushed over the paws of the wolf’s statue, allowed herself for a moment to imagine his hands instead – the long, strong fingers, with remains of paint and plaster underneath its nails, calloused fingertips so unendingly gentle when they brushed her skin …

“You could have told me, don’t you know?” She searched for the beast’s eyes in the statue’s face, but was unable to see them from where she sat. “I wouldn’t have rejected you. I know, maybe you can’t know someone who’s life is measured in millennia in three years, but you were no monster. I miss you, Solas.”

Of course, the statue did not give an answer. It stayed silent, a dark silhouette against the waning moon.

“Have you heard of it? There’s a uproar in Orlais, nobles gathering together because they feel toyed with by Gaspard. They start suspecting that he’s not the one in power, and Briala asked for my help. I’m … considering options. This is not something to decide easily, and I don’t want to anything wrong. Not after what happened to my people …” She paused, sighing, her fingers clawed around the stone paw only so little. “I could send troops, but that would only worsen the uproar. Leliana is suggesting some silent threats; she says she has some valuable information as leverage. I’m not sure yet … should the Inquisition openly involve itself in this matter? What do you think?”

Once again, the statue stayed silent.

Not that she would have expected to get an answer from it. Part of her felt stupid and childish, sitting between the paws of Fen’Harel’s statue, talking to a piece of inanimate stone.

Only it felt almost as though he could hear her here, as though there was not just the statue, but also Fen’Harel himself nearby. It was superstition, she knew, but in a way it helped to ease the pang in her chest, knowing that, in a sense, he was there. And if only carved in stone.

“I will find a solution to this”, she said out loud. “Until then, I know that Briala can handle the situation, she’s resourceful enough.” She paused, felt the rough stone at her fingertips. It was nothing like the hand she knew ... “There is, apparently, another Ball incoming, held by some Marquise … My presence was explicitly requested. I wonder if it’s tied to that uproar? I have Leliana’s agents looking into the matter. It’s so much to do, Solas. I fear … sometimes I fear that I won’t be able to help my people if the Inquisition keeps occupying me elsewhere. This is not what I want to do for the rest of my life.” She suppressed a sigh, absentmindedly wiggling the fingers of her left hand, to try to ease the tingling of the Anchor in its palm. “I tried to enter the Fade by myself, only using the Anchor. Multiple times, in fact. It seems I can’t find answers this side of the Veil, not for that matter. But it didn’t work. Maybe you have some advice?”

There was again no answer to be heard from the statue; it only stared down at her out of cold stone eyes, mute and silent.

And yet, Siryn could not perish the feeling that she was being watched. It was nonsense, of course. There were no eyes watching her from the Fade. She was alone.

* * *

He noticed the shift in her posture, the way her eyes moved to the side, and for a moment it always seemed as though she was looking at him, seeing him.

But Siryn’s eyes, violet, but glowing in the dark of the night, went right through him, returned to the statue. A silent shake of her head told “no”, and Fen’Harel silenced the part of him what longed to make his presence known to her. It was for the best.

He should not even be her. He knew it would only impair his plans, that every time he allowed himself to take a look at her, he could draw the attention of his enemies to her. He knew well that he should stop, for her own sake if not his. Every time he sought her out, he set her at risk.

But every now and then, he had to assure himself that she was well. At least that he owed her.

“I’m aware of the Fade when I dream, it’s not that”, she continued, her voice strong and firm, her brow creased in deep thought. “But I don’t seem to be able to change it, or leave it. Maybe you know some spirits to ask for counsel?”

He knew, even though Wisdom was gone and would not return as he had known it. Part of him craved to give her the answer she sought for, but he would make his presence known. It was best if she never learned that he was here, hidden from her eye.

“If you could send one of them to me when I dream the next time, I’d appreciate it”, she said, chin raised to look into the eye of stone wolf between whose paws she sat. “I miss you, Solas”, she said, her voice little more than a whisper.

She spoke to the wolf, her face blank, with only the slightest crease around her mouth betraying her. “There are so many things I want to tell you, that were left unsaid. I …” She paused, shaking her head. “What am I doing here?”

She rose, her fingers brushing the stone paw of the statue one last time. With one last look at the wolf’s snout, she turned around.

For one moment, she paused, only steps away from him, her head turned and brow creased. For one moment, he thought that she had seen him, even though it was impossible. But then she shook her head, a sigh escaping from her lips, and she passed him, until her silhouette disappeared between the trees.

It was for the best. She would never know that he’d been here. As much as it pained him, he had to let her go. She was deserving of a life he could never give her, as much as he had longed to make it happen.

She deserved better. She would never know.


End file.
